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Retail Opportunity

In which we promote a good cause

The other week I mentioned, in amongst the other things I haven’t blogged about lately, the local football club’s plan to make lots of money knocking their ground down and selling the site to Tesco, disguised as a “let’s bring the World Cup to Bristol” campaign which they seem to be using to blackmail the city planning department. There is, of course, no need to build a Tesco on the site of the football ground. There are two other branches of Tesco within about fifteen minutes’ walk of the new site, two other large supermarkets within the same distance, and a very large Tesco about fifteen minutes’ drive away.

Unsurprisingly, lots of other people have noticed this, so I thought I would put a quick mention of them here. The Bristol Blogger has been looking at the football club and council’s published figures and knocking holes in them: here, here and here. Unsurprisingly, the city council’s marketing figures seem to be vastly overstated. Meanwhile, there’s a local residents campaign to fight against the Tesco plans. They’re called BERATE, and they’ve got a blog up, with links to their petitions; and old-fashioned paper petitions in a lot of the shops in the area. I’d imagine most people from Bedminster and Southville have already seen it, but they deserve as much publicity as possible.

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Not Photo Post Of The Week

In which we don’t have many photos, but do have some of the latest guided busway gossip

Back in August, we went away to Cornwall. As you’d expect, I took the camera, and took hundreds and hundreds of photos. They slowly went online – very slowly, because I’m impatient, and it takes a long time to upload photos when each one weighs about 4Mb.

Moreover, a few weeks after we got back from Cornwall, we moved house; and after we moved house, we were offline for about two months whilst we argued with various broadband providers whether our flat really existed or not. All that time, we were out taking more photos, which slowly built up. As a result, when we did finally get online, I had a rather large backlog of photos to deal with. Plenty of photos for me to upload 30-35 photos per week, and post the best few on here every Friday.

800-odd photos later, though,* the end is in sight. I’m still working on the photos from the Easter weekend, but after that, that’s about it. The backlog is over, and I’m going to be putting photos up within a few days of taking them. Which leaves Photo Post Of The Week a little stuck, without the regular flow to pick the best of. I’m not entirely sure what to do with it. Do I return to it when I have more to show, or do I go back and post here photos that I took months or years back? I’m still trying to decide. Maybe it will just be replaced, with a sign like this:

Sign, Bedminster

In the meantime, there have been more Bristol Guided Busway developments following my most recent post on the topic. Chris Hutt yesterday published “At Last, The Truth” about the history of the West of England Partnership’s plans for Prince St Bridge, and Bristol Traffic has pointed out that their plans to replace the Bristol-Bath Cycle Path with a buses-only road are still marked out clearly on their maps despite being tactfully edited out of the text, which merely mention their aspiration to build an Ashton-Emersons Green route one day. Personally, I think Chris is being a tad optimistic as to whether he’s discovered the truth and the whole truth, as you could say, but we’re certainly closer to it than we’d be if we were relying on the West of England Partnership’s own somewhat misleading and vague publications and press releases.

* Or “800 odd photos later”, you could argue.

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Misogynistic Stereotype Killers

In which Mario Reading is quiet, so we criticise Horne & Corden instead

Quick update on yesterday’s post: as those of you with your own blogs will know, if you link from one blog to another, your blog will send a thing called a “pingback” or a “trackback” to the other one, and the owner of the other blog can choose to display it as a comment.

Yesterday I linked to the blog of Nostradamus-interpreter Mario Reading, when writing about his prediction that George W Bush would be assassinated in 2006, and his later claim that this prediction was right all along. Mario* saw the pingback, followed it back here, and (presumably) read my post about him. Unfortunately, he decided not to display the pingback on his blog, and so far hasn’t responded to what I pointed out: that his claim of correctness fundamentally contradicts the prediction he’s claiming is correct. I’m disappointed. Mario, if you’re reading,** if you want to respond to what I’ve said, then whatever you want to say, I promise I’ll publish it here. I won’t just delete it, like some people would. That’s a fair offer.

Moving on, comedy of a more intentional kind.*** We couldn’t avoid noticing posters around the place for the new British comedy film**** Lesbian Vampire Killers, starring Mathew Horne and James Corden; and, thinking: oh my holy pantheon. Someone would really produce a film with a premise like that? I mean, I’m not surprised someone – probably a 14-year-old boy – would write a film with a title like that, but, produce it? Agree to appear in it?

Well, fortunately, you don’t have to listen to me ramble on about how awful, ugly, and misogynistic we thought it sounded when we haven’t even seen it,***** because the excellent not-quite-worksafe blogger Bitchy Jones has written a similarly-kneejerk castigation of its low concepts. You only need to look at the URL of that to realise that she’s not-quite-worksafe; and she has done a far better critique of it than I’d manage. There are comments, too, from people who have actually seen it. If you also thought: “what, that’s a real film?” go and read.

Talking of Horne and Corden, I feel like I can’t get away from the buggers at the moment, because every time I switch the telly to the BBC, there’s a trail for their new sketch show; well, unless it’s BBC4. Being a sketch-show trail, it shows sketches. Sketches without jokes in. Their writing strategy seems to go something like this:

1: comedy set-up, relying on recognisable situation (eg. the movie “Ghost”
2: err …
3: … that’s it

No joke. No punchline. What’s the point of that, then? Is this some new zen-comedy, are there catchphrases that I haven’t noticed yet, were the trailers wrecked in the editing, or is it just lazy writing? Answers on a postcard, I guess. The trailers certainly don’t inspire me to watch it.

* or, whoever moderates his blog for him, if he doesn’t do it himself

** fighting my pun-instinct is really really hard here, you know

*** The blog title is about this bit, by the way, and completely unrelated to Mr. R.

**** words which, already, are not a promising start

***** See, at least Mario Reading gets criticised on the grounds that I’ve read his books and his blog and can spot the flaws in them, and not just on me thinking it sounds like it might be wrong.

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Personal affairs

In which FP finds an interesting blog to read

This is not a sex blog. This is, in fact, almost the opposite of a sex blog. Sex is hardly ever mentioned, partly because, for one thing, most of the people who read this are (as far as I know) people who know me, and who would recoil in terror, looks of disgust on their faces, if they ever had to think about me having sex.

There are hundreds of thousands of sex blogs out there, though. I don’t read them very often, though; because generally they’re not that interesting. Reading other people’s fantasies, after all, generally isn’t. I find it more enjoyable to write my own sex stories. You’ll never find them here, and they’re not even my fantasies, but they’re fun to write.

Yesterday, though, idly browsing the web, I discovered a sex blog which is well-written, original, thoughtful, and witty. It’s called Bitchy Jones’s Diary, it’s passionate and dirty, in a sense political, and it’s a very good read.* It’s not about the flavour of sex I’m most interested in myself; but that doesn’t stop it being very enjoyable to read. Moreover, of all the sex blogs I’ve come across,** it’s the one most clearly written by someone who does what she wants because that’s her sexuality, and not because it’s someone else’s fantasy.

In other news: back in 2006 when the Ipswich prostitute murders were ongoing, people were very quick to circulate dead prostitute jokes that (presumably) they’d been keeping on ice since Peter Sutcliffe‘s heyday. What surprises me, though: now there’s been a conviction, I haven’t seen any “dead prostitute meets unfunny daytime DJ” jokes. Where are they all?

* It’s also not really SFW, if you were tempted to click the link; but you probably guessed that.

** Pun definitely not intended, I assure you.

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In which FP has been busy writing elsewhere

Another quick note, now I’m back from Riga.* Whilst I was away, one of my favourite websites – Nothing To See Here – posted an article by, er, me! It’s about Trinity Square Car Park in Gateshead, the car park which was made famous by the film Get Carter,** and is about to be knocked down to be replaced by another Tesco (even though Tesco already have a store that’s, literally, on the other side of the street). If you might be interested, go read the article. If you might want to see the car park, then run, don’t walk, to Gateshead.

* or Rīga, rather.

** The original, not the remake; although Stallone, who starred in the remake, has been campaigning for the building to be saved.

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Recent search requests

In which we wonder what people are searching for

More things, around the interwebs, that people have been looking for…

the deirdres are a rather good band from Derby – see here, and also here.
photo enlargement 99p – it does sound like a bit of a bargain rate. Unless, of course, you want to enlarge a photo of 99p, which is possible too.
unexplained black moods aren’t very nice, but if they’re that unexplained I’m not sure there’s very much you can do.
emo kids handcuffs – I have a lovely picture in my head, now, of emo kids handcuffed to street furniture in all their hang-outs – outside the art gallery in Exchange Square in Glasgow; outside the Corn Exchange* in Leeds, and so on. I wholeheartedly endorse this idea. Come on, people, together we can make it a reality.
triangle sidings are the London Underground sidings in South Kensington, in the basement of the Cromwell Road Sainsburys, where the air terminal used to be. More information, and photos, here.
chocolate coins left at doorstep – I don’t remember ever mentioning this, or anything of the sort. But if anyone does want to leave some chocolate coins on my doorstep, then, please, feel free to!
cara page journalist. Cara Page was, the last I heard, writing for the Daily Record. She’s infamous – at least in certain circles – for writing “exposés” about the sex lives of fairly boring and ordinary people, such as a charity shop worker from Peebles. None of it is “newsworthy” in any conventional sense of the word, but tabloid editors still strongly believe that a bit of Carry On-style tame muckiness sells papers. Sadly, that’s all I know about her. And that, I think, is probably enough search requests for now.

* Now there’s a name that’s always puzzled me a little. “Hello, my dear sir, I’d like to swap this corn, if you may. For … erm … some different corn?”

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The Unconnected

In which we bear bad news

Breaking bad news to people is always hard to do. Even if it’s something as mundane as a dead computer. I took a quick look at a machine one of the staff had brought in from home, in my lunch break; it’s vitally important she gets it working again, apparently, because it’s got all her daughter’s schoolwork on it, and they have to have a computer now to do all their assignments on.* It only needed a quick look to show that it’s not coming back to life. Its hard disk is almost certainly now a former hard disk, with no hope of getting her homework back.** But how do I tell her?

Latest addition to my RSS reader: Bad Archaeology. The navigation is a bit awkward, and their “latest news” page doesn’t seem to get archived, but there’s some very good stuff in there, if, like me, you would love to try poking members of the Erich von Däniken Fan Club with long pointy sticks. Their latest article is on King Arthur, as an example of what happens when you set out to prove a point, and try to use archaeology to do that. I’m tempted to write something longer about exactly that, soon.

In other news: I’ve been listening to Phoebe Kreutz lately. Her songs make me smile, and make me want to listen to more of her songs. So that has to be a good thing. Hurrah for good things!

* I’m not sure I believe that. This isn’t a rich town, and there must be many many children in the area whose parents don’t have a PC.

** A normal boot sequence halts with “Non-system disk or disk error”, which, if your other drives are all empty, is never a good sign. A Linux boot CD finds the hard disk, prints out lots of nasty disk hardware errors, and then says it can’t read the partition table. Not good, not at all.

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You wouldn’t steal a policeman’s helmet.

In which we talk like a pirate

It is, once again, International Copy DVDs Like A Pirate Talk Like A Pirate Day. As I haven’t seen any pirates for a year, though, you’ll have to make do with the same photo as last year. Or, alternatively, remind yourself why piracy is wrong. Don’t do it, kids. Arrrr!

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In which we make some numbers up

According to Martijn, 47% of all blog posts consist of links to other blogs.*

Well, according to new research by the FP Militant Invective Laboratories, an entire 0.3% of current blog posts consist of links to blog posts about the proportion of blog posts which just consist of links to other blogs.

No, really. Honest. No, I didn’t just pull that number out of thin air. What sort of person do you think I am?**

* well, actually, he made it up. But it could be true.

** Oh, OK, I did really. But you never know.

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In which things are described systematically

I’ve not been too well again, hence the gap in posting. No energy, no get-up-and-go, no appetite.

I eventually dragged myself to the computer to check my RSS reader, thought, and my appetite came back. Because, courtesy of Informationally Overloaded, I read A Sketch Towards a Taxonomy of Meta-Desserts.* Hurrah! At last, someone has invented a systematic way to describe pudding. My appetite came back straight away, and I started raiding the freezer. Must read that blog more at some point – preferably just after I’ve eaten, not just before.

In other news: thanks to Feather Boa for solving my telly-related puzzle from the other day. I would have noticed sooner, but her comment was in the queue and I didn’t spot it until now. Bah. Thank you!

* I particularly like the URL, too

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