Arrg kxrrt!

Blog : Posts tagged with 'relationships' : Page 1

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Ordinary

In which nothing special happens


It’s another ordinary Saturday. We lie in for a bit, then we get up and put the kettle on. We don’t have any plans; we’ll probably watch some of Saturday Kitchen on the telly. K’s brought some work home for the weekend, the car needs a headlamp bulb changing, and of course I can always do a bit of work drafting up some blog posts and tweaking the Secret New Site Design. But, generally, we don’t have any plans big enough to be called plans. It’s just another ordinary Saturday.

Lots of people, of course, will be going out and doing stuff today. They’ll be going out in pairs and trying to have a romantic time together, after giving each other giant cards in Arterial Blood Red. Restaurants will be packed, and shops everywhere will be running out of flowers and chocolates. Because it says, on their calendars, that that’s what you have to do today.

To my mind, though: that makes the day less romantic, not more. You shouldn’t do something special for your special someone, just because of the date. You should do something special for them if you want to show your love, yes, but if you want to show your love you shouldn’t have to wait for today. Christmas is slightly different, it’s a time for getting in touch with people; but Valentine’s Day is something of a pointless exercise.

So, today shouldn’t be different to any other. As a form of affirmative action, we’ve said to each other that we will specifically avoid doing anything special today; we’ll do everything we can to make it as ordinary a Saturday as possible. There are 364 other days in 2009, after all.* I’ll find some way to surprise K, to make her smile and blush, to remind her how much I love her. It won’t be today, though. It’ll be any day she deserves it; any day of the year.

* although, if you want to be pedantic, there are only 320 left after today.

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An anniversary of nothing

In which FP remembers how things have changed


It’s rare that you can say: a year ago today, I was doing X; with any degree of accuracy. Well, I don’t know about you. It’s rare for me to be able to say that.

A year ago today, I drove up the A1, then across to Penrith, and up to Glasgow, and checked into a hotel. I blogged about it here, after a fashion, and posted some photographs too. It led to … what? Not much, on the face of it. Nothing good that lasted for very long. Plenty of disagreement and argument. But I learned things, about people, and about how people sometimes behave.

After last October, it was a long time before I had to drive up the A1 again. But now, when I do, I’m in a good mood. Despite the roadworks in the Wetherby Gap, or the traffic at the Hook Moor interchange, I’m in a mood of cheerful excitement. A year, now, seems like a very very long time.

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Sneezingp

In which people are getting paranoid


The waters may have gone down – but it seems to have given me a bit of a cold. Bugger. It’s raining again, too.

An interesting threat arrived in my inbox today: someone told me to stop talking to their (online-only, so far) girlfriend, otherwise they were going to be “less polite” to me. Interesting. I’m not sure what he thought I’d been saying to her;* but, also, I feel sorry for him.** Trust is the only long-term basis for a relationship. If you start trying to order other people away from her before you’ve even met her, if you can’t trust her to take care of that herself, what hope is there for you in the long term?

* before you start wondering: just your average passing-the-time-of-day stuff.

** And her, too.

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Credit where it’s due

In which things go back to money


Thanks for all the comments on financial equality within relationships. Using the term “sexual equality” was a bit of a red herring, really,* because it wasn’t really anything to do with gender at all, other than that I wanted to find out who would automatically assume that it was all about a man who didn’t want his female partner to have any control over their finances.

And the answer is: it is all good, and there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. P is (so far as I can tell, because I’ve never met R) the more sensible and level-headed of the two. R accepts (I’m told) that he is incapable of looking after money, so lets P get on with it. Moreover, R is unable to get any sort of credit card. Why is a mystery, because he has a mortgage and a clean credit record so far as he can tell; but the fact is, I’m told, that he’s always been turned down. So P is in charge of everything.

It’s all good. What’s more interesting, though, is why we** thought it might not have been. A bare statement of facts never tells the whole story.

* or “mistake”, you could say.

** or, “you, the readers,” rather

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Equality

In which someone takes charge


I was idly thinking, this morning, about sexual equality. And all because what a work colleague, P, was telling us the other day.

P’s partner doesn’t have a bank account, credit cards, anything. All of their income, his and hers, gets paid into one of P’s bank accounts. P’s partner – who is called R – doesn’t have any money in their own name, apart from £50 a week in pocket money. If R wants to buy anything online, on a credit card, then that amount of pocket money has to be returned before P will lend the card out.

The question is: in the modern world, do you think this sort of thing is acceptable?

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Nothing in the silence to be frightened of

In which FP rushes blindly round the next corner


Things I should stop worrying about: that sometimes the world seems to be empty for me. Because it isn’t empty; there will always be something just around the corner that I have been too stupid to notice earlier.

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Things I have accomplished

In which things get listed


This week, I have managed to:

  • be completely baffled about the nature of relationships, women, and other people in general.
  • Make someone happy, just by putting a website online for them
  • (I didn’t even design the website myself)
  • Explain the meaning of the term “shaggy dog story”
  • Annoy my mother, as per usual
  • Annoy the cat, by ignoring him when he tries to wake me up at 5am
  • Let other people get me down (see point 1)
  • (yes, I know they’re not numbered)
  • Let me get myself down
  • And thus piss off most of the other people I know, by moping constantly.

On the other hand, I can always cheer myself up by reading what people have been searching for on the net, that has led them on a misguided goose-chase to this place:

drunken squirrel – sorry, no clue
carpenter furniture jokestart here and be prepared to groan
birthday presents for goths – black things? Possibly?
things you do automatically – I’m not sure. They’re automatic. I don’t really notice them.
how to snog a colleague – use your tongue
gerbils show around west midlands – I really have no clue now
“i hate grimsby” – don’t we all, dear
extreme kidnapping fantasies – Oh-kay…
sex in forest – …that’s enough of that, I think.

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Memories of the year, the final part…

In which we remember things, but look forward too


…is a bit of a cheat. Because there isn’t one thing I want to add which would round the year off. There are too many moments which would leave it incomplete. The cat returning. Someone taking me for a quiet walk in the park, so she could split up with me. Going for a first date with someone else, and watching her last train home pull out of the station because we didn’t realise it was about to leave. Someone trying to kick my car windows in, whilst I was sat inside the car. So many people who have made this year very special – in particular, V-

The Plain People Of The Internet: Hang on, what’s this? You’re writing your Oscar acceptance speech now or something?

There’s no point looking back too much. The best we can hope to do is manage not to repeat too many mistakes over again. I’m going to go out tonight, and enjoy myself, and look to the future…

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Memories of the year (part four)

In which we remember Scotland


This is just a short one. A romantic breakfast, in a supermarket in Greenock, squeezed between the railway and the firth. Haar is hanging over the firth,* and the far shore is out of sight. I’m sitting, looking at you, and wondering how many times I’ll be back here.

* except that it isn’t, because – according to East Coast people, at any rate – you only get haar on the East Coast. So any sea-fogs you get hanging over West Coast firths, and towns like Greenock, Rothesay or Wemyss Bay, can’t be proper haar. Any Scots reading feel free to correct me on this.

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Memories of the year (part one)

In which we remember someone special


Time to do some looking back. Some of these memories will be good, some bad, and none are in any particular order.

We walked onto the dark beach together, me leading, me holding your hand. It was around midnight, nobody was about, and the moonlight was bright on your face.

I led you onto the beach, and looked around to make sure we were alone. I held you tight with your arms behind your back, and felt you start to go fuzzy around the edges. I chained your wrists together behind you, looked into your eyes, and watched your moonlit smile.

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