In which I rant about lottery advertising
Published at 10:07 am on December 23rd, 2008
Filed under: Dear Diary.
Today, I suppose, I should really go out and start looking for Christmas presents for people. I have no idea, at all, what anybody wants; no idea what anybody needs; and no idea what I’m going to buy. I know what I’m not going to buy, though.
On the way between our house and the local library, there’s a bus stop, and as bus stops tend to, it has a space for advertising on the side. And at the moment, the advert is nothing more than: a giant picture of a lottery scratchcard. With a slogan something along the lines of: “The ideal present for Christmas”.
Now. Just wait a minute. No. No, it isn’t. Excuse me for wanting to rant, but a lottery scratchcard is, in so many ways, just about the worst Christmas present imaginable. If you can think of worse ones, please let me know. Never mind a gambling ethics debate, it’s wrong in so many other ways. It’s small, flat, hardly anything to unwrap, no box to shake, no wrapping paper to tear off with abandon. Its entertainment value lasts for all of, ooh, about 3 seconds. It’s completely thoughtless and says nothing at all about the recipient, the giver, or anybody: it has no emotional or personal value whatsoever. And, finally, the chances are that it’s valueless: a piece of litter. It’s less use as a present than a sheet of wrapping paper. Or a stick. If I was given one as a present, I’d be crossing that person out of my address book straight away. And then hire assassins. Maybe I’m not the target audience for the advert, but there’s no way in hell that a poster is going to persuade me that buying a scratchcard for someone is a good plan as a present for them. What on earth would it say about me, for one thing? That I have so little imagination that I’ve bought them, ooh, a coloured piece of paper with that silver rub-off stuff on it.* Because a poster said so. Because that’s how brain-dead I am.
So, no. That’s not going to be on the shopping list, at least.
* What the hell is that stuff, anyway?
Keyword noise: Yuletide, advertising, Christmas, gambling, gifts, lottery, presents, scratchcard.
This Christmas, I have received:
- Some of the CDs and DVDs that I couldn’t be bothered to buy during the year
- A new denim jacket, with a nice warm fleecy lining
- Vodka
- A cunning device to tell you when your parking meter is about to run out.
The parents have received, from me:
- One of those car navigation gadgets
- A fossilised fish.*
Well, at least neither of them was going to guess a present like that before they opened it. It is now sitting on top of the TV, in stony silence.
Naturally, we all gathered around the telly last night to watch Doctor Who. The episode could have been better, the plotline felt rather thin, but when the Doctor woke up and swung into action he was marvellous indeed. The main gripe I had with the plot was: the Doctor shouldn’t just be a deus ex machina, but in this story that’s effectively all he was. Still, at least Russell T Davies does know how to write a running joke.**
* Actually, there are two fish in the slab I gave, but one is faint and difficult to see. I didn’t spot it myself until after it was unwrapped and on display.
** and the Douglas Adams reference was a nice touch too.
Keyword noise: Yuletide, Christmas, criticism, David Tennant, Doctor Who, gifts, giving, presents, Russell T Davies, television, BBC.
In which I'm at a loss what to get people for Christmas
Published at 8:20 pm on November 24th, 2005
Filed under: The Family.
I need help.
I have no idea what to get my mother for Christmas. No clue at all.
She’s the worst person in the world to buy presents for. She doesn’t like smelly things. She doesn’t wear makeup or perfume. She’s on a strictly-controlled diet. She rarely wears jewellery. She has so many unread books and unwatched DVDs that it’ll take her a year or two to get through them all. She doesn’t like ornaments, because they complicate dusting. In other words, she’s awful when Christmas and her birthday come around.
So, any ideas?
Keyword noise: Christmas, gift ideas, gifts, presents, The Mother.