Time for a holiday - the tent’s ready, the car’s all loaded, and we’re going camping. Someone will be looking after the site whilst I’m away, I promise.

The mother was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to see at night. She didn’t think I was taking enough torches. I pointed out I had a small torch, a big torch, a medium torch, a wind-up torch, a strap-to-your-head torch, and an album by “heavy stoner pop” band Torche.* That’s enough torches.

* Not to be confused with an organisation called The Gay Conservatives, who apparently used to have the domain name www.torche.gb.org.