As that nice Mr Brown of Ferryhills Road is going to deliver his budget this afternoon, I thought it would be a good idea to give him a few tips. So, in nice easily-digested bullet-point form, here’s the Symbolic Forest Budget 2006 – quick, clear the BBC1 schedule and get Evan Davies on standby!*
- Higher taxes for married people.
- and anyone else who can get a date at the drop of a hat (sorry, Big Dave)
- Lower taxes for single people
- especially ones who are doomed to stay single for all eternity (it’s only fair).
- Higher taxes for big cars. You only need a 4×4 to take the kids to school if you live in, say, the tiny Welsh hill village of Llwybr Cyhoeddus.
- Smaller taxes for little cars. Especially blue ones.
- Lower taxes on beer produced by small independent breweries.
- Higher taxes for carbonated urine beer produced by big industrial ones
- No tax at all on gin
- Or tonic.
- No taxes on any expensive cameras or other gadgets I might want to buy in the next year.
- More cake
That should get the economy nice and stimulated. There you go, Gordon; hope this helps.
* But don’t mention the rumour about his body piercings.