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The creature
In which we discuss the natural history of the gruntlebeast
Someone – actually, no, I think it was Somewhat – recently said they thought the mysterious creature at the top right was myself. Strangely enough, it isn’t. Here’s a slightly better picture of it:
The creature isn’t me, but it does have a name. This is a gruntlebeast. Although shy,* and so rarely seen on camera, these rather sad monsters are unfortunately rather common.
Their name comes from their main food: gruntles. They will often attack lonely strangers, using those vicious teeth to remove the victim’s gruntles. Often, the victim will not even notice the beast’s attack, only realising that they now feel rather disgruntled.
Clearly, these things are a menace. They account for a large proportion of the disgruntled people in the world, in turn leading to large-scale outbreaks of annoyance, irritation, depression and Being A Twat. You should watch out for them, and be particularly wary if you hear their distinctive hunting cry: “Arrg kxrrt!” If you see any, or hear of any sightings, then let me know. Be safe out there.
* and also, according to some accounts, sometimes invisible; which may account for the partially see-through appearance of the one in the picture.
Help! I believe I may have been bitten by a gruntlebeast; do I need a special antidote to its venom, or is there a suitable over-the-counter remedy available?
Sadly, at present there is no known antivenom available. Scientists were supposed to be working on the problem, but decided to go to the pub instead.
[...] might change given time. Really really long-time readers might remember me explaining what it was, back in the mists of time. It is called a gruntlebeast, and, because of the considerable lack of evidence for their [...]