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Blog : Posts tagged with 'feelings'


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In which FP opens his heart

Feelings are strange things.

When I started this blog, I was hoping it would make me a better writer. And it has. Except when it comes to my deepest feelings. I’m still terrible at putting them into words. I clam up. I can feel things in my body, a warm glow spreading outwards from my heart, but I can’t describe them. I can’t tell people just how they make me feel, partly because I can’t find the words, partly because I’m scared they’ll run away.

If I ever look you in the eyes and tell you how you really make me feel, that means you’re a very special person. Noone I’ve met, yet, has touched me enough to make me break those barriers down.

Surprisingly, I’m not feeling very scared at the moment.

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In which we consider what makes a day special

Happy Valentine’s Day.

If, like me, you’re sad, single, and filled with self-hatred and self-loathing, you can at least take pleasure* in thinking that a lot of coupled people don’t enjoy Valentine’s day at all.** They participate because they’re obliged to. Moreover, if you love someone, show it to them every day of the year.

* well, schadenfreude at least

** and, coupled people who do enjoy it, please don’t write in to ruin my cotton-wool world of illusion.

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In which body language is confusing

I’m one of those people who has trouble reading others. I can’t spot body language until it’s too late. I can’t spot inflection either. This isn’t good, when dealing with other people, but I’ve got used to the fact that I just can’t do it.

Now, that’s fair enough, but there seems to be another side to this that I’ve only just started to realise. Not only can I not spot other people’s feelings; other people can’t spot mine either. If I’m in a bad mood, people never seem to notice; if I’m not in a bad mood, I nevertheless constantly get comments like “why are you so pissed off today?”

There are two possibilities here – well, three really. Firstly, it could be that being useless at spotting other people’s emotions makes me useless at displaying my own, or that I am useless at spotting them because I’m useless and displaying them. Secondly, though, it could be just that everybody is as terrible at I am at this sort of thing. I just assume that it’s easy and natural, when everybody else is actually having just as much trouble as me.

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