Arrg kxrrt!


Dark clouds

In which we are bad at socialising

Today, I should really be writing something topical, like the Chernobyl disaster, as Ms NB did so very eloquently a few days ago. Instead, you get a follow-up from Monday’s post: more angst and whining. A different type of dark, dangerous cloud, if you like.

On Saturday night, you see, I went out to somewhere I’d not been before. It was, though, somewhere I was looking forward to visiting a lot. Let’s call it the Netherthong And Wooldale Theatrical And Social Club.* Now, overall, I had a really good time there. I came home happy and bouncy, and stayed that way for several days afterwards. Now, though, I’ve dropped. Moreover, I’ve dropped back to the state I was in for most of Saturday night: the feeling that when I was there I was the only stranger in a crowd of friends, the only singleton in a crowd of couples, the only person who noone else wanted to talk to or engage with. No doubt this isn’t true, but that’s what keeps getting stuck in my head. It isn’t a nice drop.

I’d love to go back to the Netherthong And Wooldale Theatrical And Social Club,** but I’m worried that the same thing will happen again: I’ll just sit and feel down and lonely, which in turn will put people off wanting to talk to me. Moreover, the feeling that noone there knows me and noone there will have noticed me, leaves me wondering whether it would even be possible for me to go over there again – without knowing anybody over there, I can’t get anybody to invite me inside. It makes me think, firstly: do I really want to do this? Which leads to, secondly: unless I do, there’s no chance I’ll ever not be lonely. And, thirdly: don’t be silly, you’ve wanted to get to know this crowd for years! Don’t pull out now when you’ve brought yourself so far.

* Because that isn’t its name.

** Maybe I should have thought of a shorter disguise.

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3 comments on “Dark clouds”

  1. dem says:

    I know it’s not its real name, but does the theatrical mean that it’s an amateur dramatic society, a social club that organises visits to the theatre, or is that a totally made up name? If it’s an am dram group, my personal experience is that you’ll become more socially involved with them as individuals as you become more involved in the activities of the group. This might mean taking part in productions or volunteering to do whatever duties they need members to volunteer for. Yes, these can seem like formidable steps but it’s a bit like swimming in cold water – it seems unbearable when you first dip your foot in but you hardly notice when you’re fully submerged and swimming around. If it’s not an am dram group then that’s not a lot of use but something worth remembering is that they all probably started off knowing nobody or just one or two, they’re all probably a little insecure and shy, but what defrosts the shyness and knits them into a group is shared experience. All you have to do is share some experiences with them and you’ll feel a part of that and less lonely. I hope this doesn’t come across as patronising – I’m offering my tuppenorth because I joined an am dram group in Doncaster in 2000 because I wanted to act but also because I felt lonely. Best of luck!

  2. Forest Pines says:

    Um, actually, none of the above. “Totally made up name” is closest, even though I didn’t make up the “Theatrical” part.

    I think you might be along the right lines, though – thanks for the advice.

  3. Vaughan says:

    Once again, with this post, you’ve hit the nail right on the head. I definitely sympathise.

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