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Singledom

In which FP starts to get lonely


On my own in the office for most of the day, and it left me feeling somewhat down.

There are lots of things I hate about being single, but one of the worst is that it leaves me feeling there isn’t much point to anything I do. There’s no reason to do anything without somebody to confide in later. There’s no reason to come home if there’s noone to hug when I get there.

The minority of you who don’t go bounding straight from relationship to relationship and never have to worry about being single:* how do you cope with this? I’ve been on my own for years, now, and I still haven’t found a way.

* Big Dave, for example, only has to decide he wants to start seeing people, and he’s struggling to avoid women. He keeps complaining that they’re tiring him out, and if it goes on much longer he’s going to have to cut down to only seeing one at once.

Keyword noise: , , , ,

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10 comments on “Singledom”

  1. Archel says:

    I always found this the worse aspect of being single too. You start to feel almost non-existent. The only way out of it is to change the way you think about yourself in the world – because you can’t really have healthy relationships if you NEED another person to validate you. It can help to do stuff which makes a difference, if not to a partner, then to the community/your friends/the wider world. Like volunteering or creating art or thoughtfully blogging :)

  2. Forest Pines says:

    Well, I’ve tried all three of those in the past month, and I’m not very good at any of them.

    (I can blog, but I’m not very thoughtful about it)

  3. The Goon says:

    I used to find that I was wasting my life looking for “The right person”. When I realised that what I should have been doing was getting on with doing stuff for me, living my life and enjoying things as much as possible, I found that I became a far more complete person. And being a far more complete person actually made me more appealing to other people as well.

  4. Forest Pines says:

    And then when you found The Right Person it was somewhat accidental anyway!

  5. feather boa says:

    ah coupledom is overrated anyway – you never have a chance to do the things you want to when you’re constantly having to think about another person, and what they might want to do.

    i’ve been single for nearly 2 years now – wow, that’s quite a lot when you write it down – and that’s the best gloss i can put on it.

  6. Ian says:

    I’ve just, well, grown used to it. It helps, I guess, to have friends around you (or 3000 miles away with frequent visits; I never do anything the easy way), and in my case, I have a very close-knit family, so I never feel *alone* until I’m either out with a set of couples, or at bed at night and in the morning. Oh, and on the bus ;).

    I suppose it also helps that I’ve always had a fairly active fantasy world, so I can retreat there if necessary. Perhaps not entirely healthy, but it keeps me going at times!

  7. gwplf says:

    I think I’ll add that to my CV: “I lead a full and active fantasy life”.

  8. Vaughan says:

    Oh, I’ve only just caught up with this post, and just wanted to applaud you for saying something that I’m sure quite a few single people think, yet don’t have the nerve to admit (hence why I’m commenting on it rather than posting about it, er …)

    I’m sure many, many companies and organisations get by on the unpaid overtime of single people who, sometimes, can’t really be arsed with going home because what is there to go home for?

    I must admit that my particular failing – I won’t say all the time, but will admit to it being more than I’d like – is going out and doing things, whether that’s going to the theatre or a concert, visiting some historic place or other, visiting another city or town. I do this some of the time, but quite often I’ll think “what’s the point?” without sharing the experience with someone and having that shared memory to talk about afterwards. I feel a bit silly talking to myself and saying, “Hey, do I remember that time that I went to …?”

    Thank you for posting this, and if you do get any good suggestions on how people cope with it, I’d love to hear them.

    * Yes, full and active fantasy life here, too.

  9. Marcello Carlin says:

    In my case, the Right Person found me. Can’t give you any magic formula, I’m afraid, other than that she would never have found me had I not started blogging as a means of coping with the abrupt loss of my previous relationship so maybe there’s a logical circularity to it all.

    I suppose the only thing I can add is that, when it does happen, your instinct for nurturing overrides your craving to be nurtured, which can only be a good thing.

  10. The Goon says:

    I would also like to take you to task regarding your comment that you’re no good at volunteering. Your week in “Aros Heddlu” generally went pretty well, and others in the group were making positive comments and hoping you’d come back soon. (** Advert Alert: Another session this weekend. Available? **)

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